My Life Rulz

What?

My Life Rulz are 10 foundational mental rules* to build emotional resilience.

Here are the first six………..

  1. I belong here. I do belong.
  2. I can get used to this place and still grow.
  3. I deserve to feel safe and loved – always.
  4. Sometimes life is good and fair.  Sometimes it’s not.
  5. All my choices matter.  They all have consequences.
  6. God does care, even when it doesn’t seem like it.

* RULZNot rules as such, rather they are read as principles to guide ones life by.  By nature, rules are inflexible and seek to control thinking. Rulz however, seek to guide ones thinking and enhance ones ability to live well.

Why?

Because children are our most precious resource. “One dreams of what a better world this place would be if all our children had received the benefit of committing My Life Rulz to memory before the age of 10 years. But what better time to begin the vision than now? We commend it to you with hope and prayer that it will find a vital place in the hearts and lives of parents, families, Schools and Churches who are passionate about this generation.”

David J Riddell, Living Wisdom, Nelson, NZ.

Because it is not acceptable to have children suffering from anxiety, depression and hopelessness.

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How?

My Life Rulz builds a healthy mind and can be grasped by children of all ages, cultures and aptitudes. Using a variety of media presentations this is encapsulated common sense at its best; simple, comprehensive and profound and can be grasped in just minutes.

Resourcing families and communities; My Life Rulz reaches into the depths of the mind to unearth the toxic thinking.  ‘Stinking thinking’ that causes stress, anxiety, depression and suicide along with the many other aliments that hinder our young and increasingly older people today.   Easy to use and no training needed.  My Life Rulz uses a powerful technique of trace, face and replace.  Tracing the thinking to its root, facing the root assumption and replacing it with truth and insight giving hope to those once struggling to find any.   In a world of chaos, where ‘feelings’ rule and fear is reigning, My Life Rulz brings light into the lives of those using these powerful resources. Tested and developed by the authors over many thousands of hours of counselling clinical practice in both New Zealand and Australia. My Life Rulz comes as part of the larger Living Wisdom Library of Counselling resources.  For more on’How’ …….

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2 weeks ago

My Life Rulz

- How to reassure without rescuing?
I can cope with the image of the butterfly working its way out of the cocoon or the baby chick pecking its way out of the egg. However, I don’t like the image of the baby turtles working so hard to get out of the egg and then have to make a mad dash to the ocean when only around 20% make it. Inside most mothers is a ‘rescuer’ because we are, by nature, nurturers. We don’t want our precious off spring to be in pain, to hurt, to fight to survive, it pulls on our mummy heartstrings. But, it is the effort of breaking out of the cocoon that gives the butterflies wings the strength to fly. (Don’t ask me why all the turtles shouldn’t be successful at reaching the ocean though)!
So, our challenge is to learn to step back as our children grow and develop. In the first few years they are completely dependent on us to live – we can’t step back. However, wisdom is knowing when, where and how to step back and give them room to strengthen their wings for when they leave the nest – which they must – for their sake and ours.
As we step back, we have a watchful eye but we don’t do for them what they should now be learning to do for themselves. Rather, we cheer them on, encourage them, and believe in them. “I know the teacher you have this year is a little harsher than you are used to but I believe in you to still do well and remember next year there is a new teacher.” “I can hear that you are really disappointed about missing out on ……….but I know you can accept it and find a way to still enjoy yourself anyway.” This builds their emotional resilience, their self-respect and their confidence. Rescuing is the number one killer of emotional resilience; please learn the difference between helping and rescuing. For the full Living Wisdom (link) notes on rescuing (counterfeit love) just PM me and I will get them to you.
... See MoreSee Less

- How to reassure without rescuing?
I can cope with the image of the butterfly working its way out of the cocoon or the baby chick pecking its way out of the egg.  However, I don’t like the image of the baby turtles working so hard to get out of the egg and then have to make a mad dash to the ocean when only around 20% make it.   Inside most mothers is a ‘rescuer’ because we are, by nature, nurturers.  We don’t want our precious off spring to be in pain, to hurt, to fight to survive, it pulls on our mummy heartstrings.  But, it is the effort of breaking out of the cocoon that gives the butterflies wings the strength to fly.  (Don’t ask me why all the turtles shouldn’t be successful at reaching the ocean though)! 
So, our challenge is to learn to step back as our children grow and develop.  In the first few years they are completely dependent on us to live – we can’t step back.  However, wisdom is knowing when, where and how to step back and give them room to strengthen their wings for when they leave the nest – which they must – for their sake and ours.  
As we step back, we have a watchful eye but we don’t do for them what they should now be learning to do for themselves.  Rather, we cheer them on, encourage them, and believe in them.  “I know the teacher you have this year is a little harsher than you are used to but I believe in you to still do well and remember next year there is a new teacher.” “I can hear that you are really disappointed about missing out on ……….but I know you can accept it and find a way to still enjoy yourself anyway.” This builds their emotional resilience, their self-respect and their confidence.  Rescuing is the number one killer of emotional resilience; please learn the difference between helping and rescuing.  For the full Living Wisdom (link) notes on rescuing (counterfeit love) just PM me and I will get them to you.

 

Comment on Facebook

Brilliant! 🙂

Love these thoughts!

So well said!

Melody Rose Voice!!! Kathryn Powick

4 weeks ago

My Life Rulz

How do we train our children to be flexible?

When I went to school we had wooden rulers and one of the boys favourite things to scare the girls was to hold the ruler close to you and threaten to snap it. It seemed like someone would get hurt when it snapped. Now, you can also buy the flexi ruler, you can bend and twist it and it never breaks. David Riddell (link) says, ‘A healthy mind is a flexible mind. Stanch minds will ‘snap’ under pressure but flexible minds can roll with the punches.’ This is a great goal for us as parents and to instill in our children. It is called being psychologically flexible and when you can be like that you don’t need to grab things like anger that will hurt those around you. We have talked a bit about rescuing (over-functioning) and an inflexible mind will be one result of doing for your child what they should be learning to do for themselves.
As you choose to stand back and allow them to face disappointment, injustice, boredom or the loss of a friend you can use these things in life, that come to us all, as learning experiences on being mentally flexible. Some truth coaches to help might be:
- Everyone loses a friend every now and then, not just me, I will be okay.
- I don’t always have to have things how I would like them. Life is still good, it just doesn’t feel like it sometimes.
- I don’t want to be angry or feel sad; I want to find ways to still be happy anyway.
- Disappointment is part of life and learning to cope with it will make me a great person.
- Sometimes life is fair and good and sometimes it isn’t. (Rule 4)
... See MoreSee Less

How do we train our children to be flexible?

When I went to school we had wooden rulers and one of the boys favourite things to scare the girls was to hold the ruler close to you and threaten to snap it.  It seemed like someone would get hurt when it snapped.  Now, you can also buy the flexi ruler, you can bend and twist it and it never breaks.   David Riddell (link) says, ‘A healthy mind is a flexible mind. Stanch minds will ‘snap’ under pressure but flexible minds can roll with the punches.’ This is a great goal for us as parents and to instill in our children.  It is called being psychologically flexible and when you can be like that you don’t need to grab things like anger that will hurt those around you. We have talked a bit about rescuing (over-functioning) and an inflexible mind will be one result of doing for your child what they should be learning to do for themselves. 
As you choose to stand back and allow them to face disappointment, injustice, boredom or the loss of a friend you can use these things in life, that come to us all, as learning experiences on being mentally flexible.  Some truth coaches to help might be:
- Everyone loses a friend every now and then, not just me, I will be okay.
- I don’t always have to have things how I would like them.  Life is still good, it just doesn’t feel like it sometimes. 
- I don’t want to be angry or feel sad; I want to find ways to still be happy anyway. 
- Disappointment is part of life and learning to cope with it will make me a great person. 
- Sometimes life is fair and good and sometimes it isn’t. (Rule 4)
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